"Environmental Disaster Avoidance Hotline, this is Keith...How may I help you?"
"Yes, my name is Lisa and I would like to report an oil spill."
"Go ahead Lisa!"
"I was at the Spiffy Lube today getting an oil change in my hybrid Prius and the attendant appeared to have spilled a few drops of oil on the concrete, he then wiped it up with a rag and I am afraid he might have disposed of the soiled rag in a manner that could endanger the environment and cause harm to wildlife."
"Stay on the line Lisa while I do a quick check on this crises situation!"...
"Spiffy Lube, Smitty here!"
"Smitty, this is Keith from the EDAH, I got a nutjob snivelling liberal on the line who claims you wiped up some spilt oil today from her junkass Prius and disposed of the rag in the dumpster headed for our beautiful eco friendly pristine landfill."
"I remember her, she wanted me to top off her transmission with 90 weight synthetic olive oil. I didn`t spill any oil, it was a few drips from my tobacco wad in my lower gum. I wiped it up with my handerchief I keep in my back pocket since I had that tuberculoses induced coughing attack last month. I didn`t throw the rag away, as a matter of fact I wiped down her interior with it before putting it back in my pocket."
"OK Smitty, thanks, and keep up the good work!"...
"Yes I am still here!"
"Sorry to keep you on hold so long. I have spoken with Mr. Smith from the Spiffy Lube and no petroleum based products were spilt while servicing your vehicle, so rest at ease that no animals or the environment will come to harm. I would suggest you might want to consider public transportation for the next month or two as a precaution..."