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Monday, November 10, 2014

81-year-old tangerine thief nabbed by authorities

LAKELAND, Fla. (AP) — Deputies in Florida say an 81-year-old man picked thousands of tangerines — 11 truckloads worth — and then sold the stolen bounty at a nearby market...article

It is good to see my hometown law enforcement is on the ball. This tangerine terrorism poses a serious danger to the community and fortunately authorities, with the use of a helicopter, were able to put this elderly element of the criminal underworld behind bars. If not for the grace of God, would go I. As a mischievous youth growing up in Polk County, I would often drive the many miles of continuous rows of orange trees, stopping occasionally to pluck from the bountiful harvest, always watchful for the citrus cop commando`s in their black helicopters. Taking my criminal activity to the next level, I acquired employment at a citrus processing plant where I would boldly eat the fruit from the back of the trucks or right off the conveyor belt in broad open daylight. I was out of control!
Alerted by my mailman that a huge reward was being offered on my wanted poster at the post office, I fled north to Alaska to wait out the statute of limitations for my acidic activities, taking employment at the Russian Orthodox Church in the remote village of Seldovia as a steeple cleaner. Reading this article today brought back those painful memories from my youth. Realizing where I could have wound up if I hadn`t turned my life around...